Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Why presidential debates should be more like game shows

Keri (my girlfriend) commented last night that the moderator needs a buzzer to keep the participants from continually speaking beyond the time allotted. Tom Brokaw did a poor job of enforcing this - just saying "come on guys, play by the rules" over and over again accomplished nothing. This is free national publicity, of course they will speak as long as they can. An annoying buzzer, a gong, or perhaps the Oscar-esque "get off the stage" music would help.

Other ways in which the debates would be better if they were more like a game show:
  • The audience votes on 5 words or phrases each participant is not allowed to use.
    - McCain, you can't say "maverick", "earmark", "special interests", "pork-barrel", or "Miss Congeniality" (we'll have to add "cronyism" next week - that was a new one).
    - Obama, you must do without "20th century solutions to 21st century problems", "worst financial crisis since the Great Depression", "using a hatchet where you need a scalpel", "tax cut for 95 percent of Americans", and "I agree with Senator McCain".
    A candidate who uses one of these must down a shot of liquor (specific liquor to be chosen by the opponent).
  • Anyone using "Wall Street" and "Main Street" in the same sentence has to spend 2 minutes in a phone booth full of slugs.
  • Before the debate, each participant must provide to the moderator all accusations to be made - voting record, public speeches, whatever. The network will display a near-real-time summary of the straight dope on each of those accusations as they come up during the debate (I know I could look them up online myself, but I'm lazy). If you make an accusation not on that list, you must retract the statement and speak clearly these words - "perhaps my opponent deserves to be President more than I do".
  • Bonus points for correct pronunciation of "Ahmadinejad" and "nuclear".
  • If the moderator has time for, say, 20 questions, he or she will pick 40 of them and supply them to one of the candidates (chosen either randomly or based upon the winner of a thumb war). That candidate gets to split the questions into 2 piles of 20, and the other candidate gets to choose which pile of questions is used during the debate.
  • Live audience members get to shoot the candidates with water guns if they don't like what they're hearing. Or maybe one of these.
  • David Petraeus, Henry Kissinger, and Warren Buffet must be on camera during any portion of the debate in which they are mentioned, and each must either nod or shake his head disapprovingly in concert with how the candidate portrays him.

Can you think of more?

2 comments:

Derek said...

Hah...these are good. Laurie suggested cutting off their mics if they go over their time limits.

Personally I wouldn't mind something like a Showcase Showdown at the end, where they reveal their respective health care plans, energy policy, economic agendas, and foreign policy initiatives, all while hot chicks stood next to the plans and waved their hands around them. Then the contestants would have to guess the prices of each other's packages.

It might also be interesting to see an "Are You Dumber Than a 5th Grader?" format for the VP candidates.

Anonymous said...

I think you should add the talent reality component - they need to sing the Star Spangled Banner judged by Simon Cowell and then "Dance Around the Issues".